Summer & Tyler

...Epiphany?

While Tyler and I were on our Weddingmoon, we had a so-called "reading" from this really nice woman named Barbara who is staying with my parents at the moment. I've always felt a tad bit weird and wary about psychics, especially being a member of the church...but I didn't really get that feeling with her and Tyler was all for it so we gave it a try. It was actually a really a fun and eye opening experience. While she sees Tyler as a Samurai, she sees me as a wanderer amongst the cherry blossoms, us not settling down and having many changes come about in the next few years. She told me I need to feel more comfortable with myself and start getting used to change.

She couldn't have been more right on about that.

I have always hated change. Despised it even. I would get nauseous at the thought of starting a new job, the first day of school, or moving 10 minutes away from Agoura to Thousand Oaks as a 5 year old . Moving to Utah 6 years ago was a huge and completely un-me thing to do...but somehow year after year I am actually getting quite good at it.

The last year has been a whirlwind of chaos and realized that my own happiness and self worth can only come from within myself. I can't rely on anyone else to make it for me. And I guess that only comes from whole heaps of change...

Since being unemployed for a couple weeks now, I've been really contemplating what my next move should be. Surprisingly, for the first time I don't feel stressed or uneasy about what is to come. (Nevermind the fact that the monsterous breakout on my face is not Gemini's fault but all stress induced according to my dermatologist...haha. Gemini is Seth's kitty btw.) Athough having an amazing husband who will no doubt take care of me helps ease that stress. :)

Sooooo to my point...

I'm sitting in my old dermatology office catching up with all the fun people I used to work with and realized how much I've missed that place and medicine in general. I was enthralled at watching myself get my first stitches. The P.A. (Physician's Assistant) named Amanda was the same one who had just started her training during my last few months there. We talked about how two short years for the PA program is in comparison to a whole lifetime...how great the money is, and especially how flexible the schedule can be when I become a mother.

I'm torn...

I have been yearning and praying for a baby for years, and it has been extremely difficult living in Utah and being surrounded by young mothers. I feel ready and I would hope that I would be a good mother. Obviously in retrospect it couldn't have been a bigger blessing in disguise...It's all on Heavenly Father's plan anyways, although difficult nonetheless. But, on the other hand I haven't been using my full potential....I took the easy route by not applying to nursing school, then sold myself short by not pursuing med school. Dancing and medicine are a passion...and it isn't rocket science to figure out which one I'm needing to pursue as a career. I wish I could dance forever, but bodies do get worn out and unfortunately I am incapable of teaching or choreographing.

So that was my big epiphany...no more work and back to school to be where I need to be!! I think maybe I can do it! I'm getting super motivated, especially after talking to Tyler, who I couldn't have asked to be a more supportive and wonderful husband.

We'll see....maybe it's my time to get used to more change.